Stress Management
Average Joe
Joe’s* a busy guy.
And he used to make it look pretty effortless.
He’s a foreman, devoted husband and father. He works overtime when they need him and asks for an extra shift when they don’t.
One more thing…
Joe and his wife Jen* aren’t really big on their kids taking the bus. As Jen works the early shift at UPS, she can’t add this to the million things she does every week.
Joe gladly drives the kids to and from school. It adds a little more stress to his life, but at least he knows that they are safe under his care.
Last Tuesday he found out that his daughter’s softball team needed a coach. Although his plate was already full, Joe will be squeezing two one-hour practices into his already packed week.
Stress cracks…
Lately Joe’s been doing a lot of cleaning around the house. He likes to pick up, prides himself on keeping the kitchen spotless. He vacuums every other day before Jen gets home. “One less worry for her,” he says.
Joe’s kids have noticed that he has been getting more and more frustrated, especially when they leave their clothes laying around the house.
The kids have mentioned to their mom that he often swears or bangs things around when he is cleaning up.
Joe’s daughter, Gina*, worries that volunteering to coach her softball team may have pushed him over the edge.
Putting himself last…
Joe used to go for walks with his dogs Raffi and Taz.
He also used to get up early to exercise in the basement, swing some kettlebells, and hit the heavy bag.
But lately, Joe’s noticed that the dogs don’t even bother to get out of their beds when he walks by their leashes.
He told Jen that he hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, worrying about his job or the kids.
“The lack of sleep has taken its toll,” he says.
Boiling over…
Joe almost never got angry, was known as the calm one in his group of friends.
Yesterday he yelled for five solid minutes at his son for leaving the living room without taking his drinking glass to the sink. Although Joe later apologized to Jimmy, he felt bad enough that when Jen got home, she found him, upstairs in their bed, close to tears.
“I can’t do anything right lately. I’m losing my temper, yelling at the kids. For nothing. I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. And, I called off for tonight. We could use the money, but I think I just need some rest.”
Joe was a stoic. Kept his own counsel. Now Jen thinks his way is not working.
Accepting help…
My approach for helping clients like Joe are to allow him to voice his story, going as far back as he can remember to the reasons for his seeking help.
Joe and I discussed the event or events from his past which may have predicted that he would end up taking so much on while neglecting to care for himself.
I then asked Joe to identify all the triggers which tend to stress him out. Often the simple act of naming the triggers provides a sense of control for my clients as they realize that – armed with this knowledge – they can take action to prevent the stress from getting out of hand.
Together, Joe and I then identified the coping skills he can use and supports that he can utilize to prevent or reduce the severity of his stress.
Importantly, I urged Joe to get comfortable with saying ‘no’ to some requests. I might have him role play saying ‘no’ to a new request for his time. Another option or complement to role playing would be my composing a visualization or hypnosis script aimed at bringing him more calm and contentment with saying ‘no.’
Joe and I also looked closely at the possibility of his either delegating or relinquishing tasks he currently has on his plate – to free up time for him to do things for himself (exercise, relaxing dog walks, etc.).
Asking for help doesn’t mean you can’t ‘handle’ things…
Reaching out for support doesn’t mean you’re weak.
You need to talk to someone. You are strong, and you do so much – but you need some help now.
If you are “Joe” or know a “Joe,” I hope that you will give me a call: (815) 325-8116.
*Names changed to preserve client confidentiality.