Individual Therapy

Deborah* had bravely tried to work through her problems.

For years… on her own.

She didn’t want to trouble anyone or “draw attention” to herself, she would later say. Which wasn’t to say that Deborah hadn’t thought about getting help – because she had.

Deborah, in each instance, had ultimately told herself that working with a therapist would have been too selfish. Though, she knew the real reason was the intense fear and vulnerability she envisioned being a part of therapy.

Deborah, a 43-year-old mother of two, remembered the day vividly. It was a Tuesday night, mid-October, a little after eight o’clock.

“Where are you going?” she had asked her 12-year-old daughter.

“Playing cards with dad,” her daughter said.

“OK, have fun,” Deborah said, without looking away from her phone. Her daughter offered a lingering, longing glance at her mother as she padded slowly to the basement.

Moments later, like a splash of ice-cold water to her face, Deborah realized that her daughter had asked her, nearly every night, for three weeks, to play cards. In each instance, Deborah recalled, she had offered excuses ranging from legitimate to made up.

“I’m losing her. I’m losing everyone,” she thought.

When it’s time for help…

Deborah stated that my laid back yet supportive style during her free consultation quickly alleviated her initial fears and reluctance to make herself vulnerable. She took the 6 PM Tuesday time slot.

“I’m stuck… I think I need to take care of me,” she said.

I make use of Person Centered Therapy (I express empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard for my clients) throughout my collaboration with clients, but most notably at the beginning as a means to build trust, establish rapport, provide a safe environment for the often challenging work ahead.

Deborah worked hard, with the same dedication, diligence, and effort in therapy that she put forth in her role as an Emergency Room RN. Deborah and I met, nearly every week, for seven months for Individual Therapy. During this time, she bravely told her story.

Deborah was a high achiever in both grade school and high school in the classroom as well in her role as the shortstop on her team’s softball team. She admitted that she had never really viewed herself as the world did. Whether it was another report card with all A’s or a three-hit game, she had never felt satisfied or pleased with herself.

After a few months of therapy, Deborah came to the painful conclusion that her mother had emotionally abused her.

“My mom loved me, I think, but she never made me feel like I was good enough. She still picked at me – it was bad, right up to the end.” Within a few months of her mother’s death, Deborah slid into a depression.

Our work together…

I make use of Psychodynamic Theory to help my clients “connect the dots” between their past and present.

After months of processing her thoughts, feelings, regrets, anger, and loss, Deborah was able to come to grips with the fact that her mother was an alcoholic and had scapegoated her for her entire life.

I introduced Deborah to some of the tenets of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, mainly that if she could change her beliefs (from negative to positive, optimistic), she would experience a change in her feelings and ultimately her actions and behaviors.

Deborah ultimately concluded (belief) that her mother’s behavior and attitude toward her was both out her control and in no way her fault. “I’ll always love my mom, I guess, but she was very hard on me. Mean to me, more like it. I can’t change that. I can change the way that I love and connect with my daughters, though.”

My role in Deborah’s improvement involved three distinct elements. First, I provided a safe place for her to disclose her story. I asked questions; addressed directly, but gently, to clarify parts of her story to ensure I had things right.

Secondly, I helped Deborah understand how events from her distant past were affecting both her recent past and present thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

Lastly, I helped Deborah clarify both her goals and the steps involved in achieving them.

Deborah’s newfound insight into herself led to the realization that there were many aspects of her life that she could control, mainly the amount of time and engagement she can provide to her daughters and husband.

“There’s going to be some hard days. I’ll ask for help when I need it, but with one good decision at a time, I have this.”

Your story is different.

Your story needs to be heard.

You need to be understood.

You need someone to believe in you.

A happier life lies ahead for you. Please give me a call at (815) 325-8116 for a free consultation!

*Name changed to preserve client confidentiality.